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Hey, I'm supposed to be an independent, self-publishing fiction writer through my Samizdat Publications and yet selling my first published books had became difficult despite the good story quality and affordability of these. I think that I'll be returning soon to that search for a publishing company like I did in the past and so I must lay down my "pride" for my other unpublished manuscripts. I hope that I'll find a just and humane publisher who is open-minded to give chance to aspiring fiction writers like me, support Philippine literature and renewed interest in reading books, and without the attitude of treating the publishing industry as just some business gamble.

SOLILOQUY According to Webster’s Dictionary, soliloquy (so-lil-o-kwi) n. /plural soliloquies/ is the act of speaking one’s thoughts aloud in solitude; a speech in a play through which a character reveals his/ her thoughts to the audience, but not to any of the other characters, by voicing them aloud , usually in solitude. (derived from Latin soliloquium “to speak alone”). Grolier International Dictionary defines soliloquy as a literary or dramatic form of discourse in which a character talks to himself/ herself or reveals his/her thoughts in the form of a monologue without addressing a listener; the act of speaking to oneself in or as in solitude.

ANNOUNCEMENT: PLEASE CHECK OUT MY WATTPAD SITE- https://www.wattpad.com/user/weirdjtt




Lullabye of the Waterfalls

Pagsanjan Falls (photo courtesy of Wikipedia and GF Hund)

AD 2009, SETYEMBRE 26 (first posted on September 2009 at my first blog site)

Tila wala namang pinagkaiba ang araw na iyon sa iba pang maulan na mga araw nang aking napagmasdan noong ika-26 ng Setyembre... hanggang sa sumapit na ang katanghalian at ang ulan na ibinubuhos ng abuhin na alapaap ay tumanggi sa sa pagtila. Si Ondoy ay isang tahimik na bagyo. Walang nagngangalit at pabugsu-bugsong hangin datapwat ang kanyang elemento ay tubig. At bago pa mapagtanto ng madla, tuluy-tuloy nang tumaas ang malawakang pagbaha sa malaking bahagi ng Gitnang Luzon, Kalakhang Maynila, at sa mga karatig na lalawigan. Ang bagyo ay nagdulot ng kung hindi man dagliang pagwasak, dama ng sambayanan ang mahaba, mabagal, at dahan-dahan na pagpapahirap at panggigipit sa hatid nitong delubyo.
Nakababagabag pagmasdan ang maruming baha na naglawa sa aming pamayanan subalit may ilang tao na nakatuwaan pang lumusong dito sa kabila ng panganib na idudulot nito sa kalusugan. Ako man ay mistulang natukso na lumukso na rin sa tubigan at magtampisaw katulad ng ilan na nakahanap ng kasiyahan sa pagbabad dito ngunit mariin ko na lamang pinigil ang aking sarili. Ang nagawa ko na lang ay pagmasdan ang baha. Ang walang imik na kalamidad na ito na nanghimasok sa karamihan sa mga kabahayan ng Barangay Villamor. Napakaraming ari-arian ang nasira at ang mga pagkalugi sa mga kabuhayan. At kabilang na kami sa mga naghinanakit sa mga kaganapang hindi sukat-akalain na maghahatid sa amin ng panlulumo at panghihinayang. Subalit sa aking pagninilay-nilay habang matamang nakamasid sa baha sa buong kapaligiran, lalo kong napagtanto na hindi man kanais-nais ang karanasan namin sa araw na iyon, higit naman ang dalamhati ng aking kapwa sa mga pook kung saan tunay na nagngalit ang delubyo. Silang mga higit na nalugmok sa sakuna at asahan nang hindi magiging madali ang pagbangon mula sa napakalaking dagok na ito sa kanilang buhay. Mahirap, mayaman, bata, matanda... walang sinisinu-sino ang baha ni Ondoy.
Sa kasalukuyang panahon, nagsusumigaw ang pangangailangan sa pakikipagkapwa-tao. Marahas man na pagkasalanta ang iniwan ng bagyong Ondoy sa paglisan nito sa ating bansa, kapit-bisig ang sambayanan sa halip na pagkakawatak-watak o labis na pagkaawa sa sarili. Malaki man o maliit na paraan, mahalaga ang pagtutulungan at damayan. At nagsisimula rin ito mismo sa mga tahanan. Halimbawa ay dito sa amin. Pinasok ng baha ang mga silid ng mga nangungupahan sa amin at sila'y aming pinatuloy dito sa ikalawang palapag ng kabahayan kung saan kami nakatira. Sa ibang pook kung saan higit na sinalanta ng baha, naroon ang samu't saring kuwento at larawan ng pagmamalasakit sa kapwa. Mga mabubuting-loob na mga Samaritano, mga magigiting na mga bayaning handang ialay ang sarili sa pagliligtas sa kapwa, kadugo man nila't kilala o hindi man kaanu-ano at maging sa mga hayop. Humupa man ang baha datapwat hindi pa rin nagwawakas ang kalbaryo ng napakaraming tao. Marami ang nasawi, marami ang hindi pa rin matagpuan ng kani-kanilang kaanak. Mga salaysay ng kawalang pag-asa at mga nakapandudurog-puso na mga tagpo. Nawa'y patuloy na umiral ang pagtutulungan at pag-aalab ng pananalig sa puso nating mga Pilipino.
Si Ondoy. Ilan pa bang sakuna ang magpapaalala sa atin ng ating kapabayaan at kapangahasan? Kailan pa ba tayo matututo o sadya lang ba na ayaw nating matuto? At kapag Kalikasan na ang nagparamdam ng kapangyarihan dahil sa ating hindi mabilang na pagkakamali, wala tayong laban...
At may sumunod na bagyo, si Pepeng. Sa katunayan, wala pang mga tao dito sa Pilipinas, likas na ang pagsapit ng mg bagyo, malakas man o hindi, sa ating mahal na bansa.
Aking ginunita ang isang tula ni G. Agustin V. Torres na nabasa ko noon sa Philippine Journal of Education. Ito'y tungkol sa isang magsasaka na napagod man ay masigasig pa rin niyang ginapas ang lahat ng palay sa kanyang bukirin nang hindi na hinintay ang susunod na araw. Pinipigilan na siya ng kanyang mga kasama ngunit hindi siya nagpatinag hangga't hindi pa natatapos ang kanyang pag-aani kahit na inabot na siya ng gabi. At kinabukasan, biglang may dumating na bagyo. Nawasak ang mga palayan. Malungkot ang pamayanan... maliban sa isang magsasaka na nagtiyagang kumayod kahapon lamang.
Ang isang sipi ng Oratio Imperata o panalangin upang mailayo sa mga kalamidad ay nasa sarili pahina ng “Prayers”. Pakitingin na lamang sa menu bar.

PEPENG’S STATE VISIT (first posted on October 2009)

Fujiwara Effect, the word in this last quarter of the year. Nawili si Pepeng dito sa Pilipinas at si Quedan ay nag-Japan na lang,
Paulit-ulit ko na lang naalala ang isang tagpo na napanood ko sa balita sa TV. Katatapos lang manalasa ng bagyong Ondoy sa bansa noon at binigla naman ang lahat sa pagdating ng supertyphoon Pepeng na naunang iulat na hahagupitin din umano ang buong Luzon kasama ang Metro Manila at mga karatig probinsya na hindi pa nga nakababangon mula sa kalamidad (ngunit pagkatapos ng ilang araw ay lumihis naman ito ng direksyon!). May isang flood victim ang hiningan ng reaksyon tungkol doon at ang sabi niya ay "Huwag naman! Sana sa ibang lugar na lang!". Aywan at tila tumatak sa isipan ko ang kasabihang "Be careful in what you wish for". Dumating si Pepeng at sa Northern Luzon siya nanatili nang ilang araw bago lumabas sa ating bansa. Doon ay marami rin casualty at mas malawak pa ang pinsala na hatid ng baha, malalakas na hangin, at landslide. Nagkataon lang ba na sa hilaga nakatuwaang daanan ng bagyo? O, dapat din ba natin tandaan na mag-ingat tayo sa mga binibitiwang pananalita? Para bang tulad sa isang related na tagpo. May isang ale na namatayan ng anak sa isang sakuna. Sa kahahagulgol nito ay nagpahayag pa na "Marami namang iba diyan..."; bakit raw ang anak pa niya ang namatay? Tila... nakababawas ng simpatya ang mapakinggan ang mga saloobing iyon na bunsod ng bugso ng naguguluhang damdamin at hirap sa pagtanggap sa nangyari. Natural ba sa ating mga tao ang ayaw na ayaw sa mga pagsubok at di bale na lang kung ito man ay mangyari sa ating kapwa-tao basta huwag lang madamay ang ating pansariling kapakanan?
Napakarami ng mga evacuees noong bagyong Ondoy. At pagkatapos ng ilang araw nang nagsisibalikan na ang lahat sa normal na pamumuhay, kabilang sa mga nai-feature ay ang mga pinagkanlungang evacuation centers lalo na ang mga paaralan sa Eastern NCR. Ang mga guro at estudyante doon, matapos ng matiyagang paglilinis ng kani-kanilang tahanan ay mas pahirapan naman ang pag-aayos ng kanilang eskwelahan na naging marumi at makalat pagkalisan ng mga evacuees. May mga dinibdib pa nga ang kasabihang 'kapit sa patalim kapag gipit na' sa mga ninakawang paaralan. Tsk-tsk-tsk! At nagkuwento pa ang ilang Air Force personnel na sumama sa clean-up sa Cainta, isa sa mga pinakaapektado ng delubyo. Ayon sa kanila, may mga evacuees na sa halip na tumulong sa paglilinis ay nagawa pang mag-inuman at inutus-utusan pa ang mga sundalo na maglinis dito, maglinis doon. May ilan na umaasa lang sa relief goods palibhasa ay ang mga flood victims ang sentro pa ng mga simpatya at tulong. Batid naman nating lahat na hirap ang marami sa ating mga kababayan ang bumangon at magsimula muli subalit darating at darating pa rin ang sandali na kailangan na nilang tulungan ang kani-kanilang sarili. Ang magkaroon naman ng tiwala sa sariling sikap. Yaong ang 'mangisda' sa halip na umasa na maabutan na lang ng 'isda'. Marami namang evacuees ang may ganitong prinsipyo. Sana'y maging maligaya pa rin ang Pasko nating lahat.
Ano ba itong nadinig ko na animo isang urban legend? May isang kuwento tungkol sa isang mahiwagang babae na nakikisalamuha sa iba't ibang uri ng tao. Humihingi siya ng malinis na tubig na maiinom ngunit hindi siya pinagbigyan. At bago siya naglaho sa paningin ng nakararami, nagpahayag siya na siya na lang daw ang mamimigay ng tubig. Di naglaon ay nagkaroon ng malawakang pagbaha sa kapaligiran. Kaya dahil doon ay umusbong ang alamat tungkol sa kanya. Siguro kung totoo man iyon o kwento lang talaga, may aral tayong matutunan,eh. Ang tungkol sa pagtulong sa kapwa na nangangailangan. Ang pagtulong nang walang pag-iimbot at walang inaasahang kapalit.

PHILIPPINE FASHION WEEK: SPRING-SUMMER 2010 (first posted on November 2009)

A non-fashionista mingling into the world of the fashionistas. Man, it felt like being a drop of water in an elegant goblet of olive oil. I always wanted to personally watch an actual fashion show and not just to view it either on FTV or ETC. Aside from Oktoberfests, came the much anticipated Philippine Fashion Week: Spring-Summer 2010 held from October 21-28 at the SMX Convention Center yet I only got the chance to watch a matinee show last October 25, day 5 of the said event and still it turned out to be so sultry and spectacular. That was last Sunday, the humid afternoon did not stop me from my curiousity. Well, the back-to-back fashion forecasts of designers Joel Escober and Twinkle Ferraren just took less than an hour but they were so cool that I wished I could watch some more and those of the other designers and apparel companies as well. Let my elated clap of hands after the shows be my congratulations to the designers who made me and the whole audience enjoy their collection. And those models? Feast for the eyes. Alluring. Mesmerizing.
When I reached the Function Hall 2 of the SMX, I had these worries on entrance fees and dress codes (no fashion discrimination, please!). Oh yeah, in my faded polo shirt and jeans and second hand rubber shoes, I looked rather like I was going to a wet market than to a glamor-filled event but I did not give a damn. People around me were dressed to kill and some of them might be mistaken for models, too. There were fashion design students, socialites and other VIPs, and other ordinary people like me. We all waited in a long line of guests after we registered at the event staff's counter at the lobby before the stout bouncers opened the doors to let us in. And what thrilled me most here in the lobby, not the sight of gorgeous people that some looked like walking mannequins nor the lady whose humps reminded me of how ducks walk (were those real or thank-you-cosmetic-doctor?) but the entrance to the hall which was absolutely free even without passes! The event site was also filled with press folks.
Now that I would be watching a live fashion show did I realize of a whimsical wish granted but it meant a lot to me. I was always fascinated with those illustrations done by designers that I saw in magazines and newspapers and how I also imagined what if I study fashion design despite being this non-fashionista (but Imaginative of cool, new trends in clothing; owws?). Oh come on! I would never ever forget that I'm not this fashionable (and never fashion-stricken). If ever you know any of my classmates in St. Mary's Academy in Pasay City, most of them will surely confirm how terrible my ‘fashion statement’ was and I was such an eyesore for some of them (a lot of them were just this bonggang-bongga kikay!) Believe me, hahaha!
Going back to the event, it started with Joel Escober's colection. His designs were unique and cool and popularizing such accessories like boxing belt-inspired girdles. Soft colors and the ever popular silk chiffon dresses with accessories were present. Move over, super straight and rebonded hairstyle, soft and light curls crowned the female models with glory and how graceful they were on their pumps and high heels. The guys? What could I say? Let's say, their hot; man, I did not know any of them! After Mr. Escober, then came Twinkle Ferraren's summer collection even though it is still October. Sexy, dazzling models gave such sizzling performances, too. I could not take my eyes off them! They were in their swimsuits and they also model casual and formal attires. I just did not have a camera for photo souvenirs but this fashion event was memorable. Still, there may be new trends and cool innovations in clothing designs yet the best part is that how we carry ourselves with good poise and confidence even though we ain't no fashionistas. After all, fashion reminds us not to be a fashion victim, right? :)

PENSIVE MOOD (first posted on November 2009)

It's just natural for any living organism to have this offense-defense mechanism. Either tackling about attack or retaliation. Why do people pick on other people verbally or emotionally (if it's physically, that will be a different topic from this short essay)? How will a person under attack face the situation? Have revenge, will get esteem back? Retaliate? Fight fire with fire? Offer the other cheek when slapped? Throw bread to those who hurled the stones? Or remain stoic just like a Zen Buddhist monk or a desert hermit? To remain indifferent despite the indignity? And just let the antagonists in their offense? Well, there is always the right momentum to neutralize as part of the defense. It is to let the antagonists have their dose of reality. To have them drag themselves down because of their insecurity, loftiness, and vanity. The negativity inside of them will be their own poison and when they can not take it any longer and seek for the antidote after they soften. It's up to them to deal with their negativity. Then, if ever they let themselves be cured with this antidote and for them to detoxify by reconciliation with the person/s whom they offended or hurt and decision to bury the hatchet. To be purged of this negativity, let the ships of goodwill and tact sail smoothly on the channels of peace.
*******
Oh my, a year had already passed since I volunteered at the annual Dugong Bombo (held every first Saturday of November; thanks to 102.7 Star FM for the announcements) in close cooperation with the Philippine National Red Cross held at the Harrison Plaza then but this year, the SM City Manila became the sponsor venue. Last year, I posted a blog with the title "A Faithful Apostle Called St. Jude" (please see in the past blogs) and the same happiness was what I felt recently. Almost three months ago, I became anemic and I was worried for my qualifications to be a blood donor when the Dugong Bombo event takes place. I became more health-conscious. I did deep meditations while praying the rosary and again I sought the help from St. Jude Thaddaeus. I believe that he prayed for me and the others. I dream of helping another person... and I was so glad when I was included among the qualified donors who shared precious blood to the recipients who deeply need it. I thought of the would-be recipient of my blood and he or she is included in my prayers to God. Amen.
St. Jude's contact information? Please see the page "Prayers" in this humble blogsite. Thank you very much. :)

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